In Joy and Sorrow
by ShylahMargera
Summary: When Rian Lightman lands a job as Jeff Tremaine's seceratary, will she be able to keep her job and her sanity, or will she fall for a certain Jackass?
1. March 2002

-In Joy and Sorrow-

2002

March:

Walking up to the front door of the MTV studios in the center of Time Square was a nerve wracking expirience. Sighing slightly, I opened the door. Little did I know at the time it would be a life changing, gate way to hell. And here I was, just looking for a steady job for a few months before I had to go back to school.

Looking around the lobby, I took in the funky, flirty furntiure and walls. It reminded me of the TRL set that I had seen numerous times on TV and was only a floor above me. I stepped nervously towards the desk were a girl with a nose ring and purple hair sat on the phone with whom I assumed was a friend and not a client.

I nervously straightened my tan wide-leg Dolce & Gabana pants and flattened my crisp, white, Ralph Lauren oxford before taking off my Chanel half-tints and tucking them into my black leather Chanel bag. I walked up to this girl mustering evey bit of confidence I had.

'Hello.' I said braver than I actually felt. 'I was wondering if you could tell me what floor Jeff Tremaine's office is on. I have a meeting with him.'

The girl looked me up and down before saying, 'Third floor. Ask the chick at the desk up there.'

'Thank you.' I said. I started my journey across the lobby towards the elevator, my black Manolo's clicking across the hard tile with each step. I hit the down botton and the doors opened almost instantly. I stepped inside and hit the big green 3. Waiting to go up I thought of what I could say to this man who would hopefully become my boss.

The small chime rang for the third time signaling my stop. Thne doors opened and two men came running in. One was a tall blonde with a beard wearing jeans and an orange shirt with a white outline of a car that reminded me of the Duke's of Hazard. He had dark Aviator's covering his eyes.

His friend was about the same height. He had dark brown, almost black curly hair. It curled out of the bottom of his black trucker hat that was backwards on his head and had Element written across the front of it in red letters. He had on a maroon button down, that wasn't buttoned up at all and showed off his bare chest. His purple boxers hung right over the top of his lowrise belted jeans showing off a tattoo I'd like to see the rest of.

'Oh, shit he's gonna kill us!' The blonde laughed as he climbed into the elevator.

'Sorry,' The other said to me as he ran on the elevator bumping into me slightly.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and walked up to another desk. This one had a girl behind it who was so throughly interested in her work that it took five minutes for me to get her attention.

'Excuse me?' I asked slightly louder then a moment ago.

'Oh, hello.' She said looking up from her work.

'I have a job interview with Jeff Tremaine.' I said repeating myself.

'Okay. Can I have your name please?' She asked.

'Rian Lightman.' I said.

'Okay, one moment.' She picked up the phone and dialed an extention.'Hello, Jeff? Hi. I have a Miss Rian Lightman here to see you. Yes. Okay.' She hung up and looked at me. 'You may head in. Go through that door and all the way to the end of the hallway.'

'Okay, thank you.' I walked towards the door and headed down the hall. Each step I took a deep breath, attempting to sike myself out. I approached the door hearing laughter from the other side and knocked nervously.

'Come in...' Someone said close to tears.

I opened the door slowly and found two grown men laughing hysterically. One was sitting behind a desk and the other was on a couch on the other end of the room. A cell phone was lying on the desk open and a voice was talking to them making them laugh harder.

'Yeah, I'm on the phone with them right now. Yeah, hang on. Yo, Knoxville, Ehren wants to talk to you.'

'Alright, Bam.' The man I assumed was Knoxville answered.

'Take it out there, Johnny. I have an interview.' The other man said pointing to the door.

Johnny Knoxville picked up the phone and left the room saying, 'Hello?' on his way out.

'Sorry about that.' The other man said.

'It's okay.' I said.

'I'm Jeff Tremaine.' he extended his hand for a hand shake.

'Rian Lightman.' I said extending my own hand. I noticed instantly that he seemed a bit underdressed for a formal job interview. Wearing dark blue jeans and a brown CKY shirt. He was not the uptight business man I had expected in a pinstripe Gucci suit. He had dark brown hair cut short with bright blue eyes. Five O'clock shadow completed his casual look.

'Hello, Rian. Take a seat.' He said gesturing to the chair acorss from his. 'So, how old are you?'

'20.' I said.

'Okay, and you are applying for a job as my secretary, correct?' Jeff asked lacing his fingers together on the desk.

'Yes.' I said.

'Well, uh, this job is very important and takes a lot of time and hardwork.' Jeff said.

At this point Johnny Knoxville renters the room. He looked as I had seen him numerous times on TV. Blue-green skater pants, balck Converse, high tube socks, black belt with a skull and crutches, and a plain white t-shirt.

'Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville.' He said to me holding out his hand.

I took it saying, 'Rian Lightman.'

'Bam and Dunn have engaged Ehren to help them scare the hell outta Dave.' Johnny said to Jeff laughing.

'Oh, shit.' Jeff laughed. Once he had sobered up from his laughing fit, our interview began. He asked the normal background questions before giving me the job.

'Honestly, you seem like a very nice, capable girl, so you've got the job.' He said.

'Oh my God!' I said not hiding the smile from my face. 'Thank you so much.'

'Now listen,' He said. 'We begin filming in one week, so I need you to start then. And this is no ordinary secretary job, I mean, we will be all over the country and world for that matter. There can be nothing keeping you from traveling. You also need to understand that pain and injury is expected on this movie. Someone gets hurt I don't need you to run out and ruin the shot. So, what we came up with on the show was a little signal I had to tell the crew wheather to run out or not.'

While he spoke I shook my head in understanding. I was so excited that I had landed the job.

'Let me look for our travel schedule.' Jeff said as he began to rumage through his desk.

'You have seen the show before, right?' Knoxville spoke up.

Turing to face him I said, 'Of course, once or twice.'

'Okay, good. Just checking.' He said.

Suddenly the door burst open and the two men from the elevator earlier came in panting.

'Oh, God, we got him so good.' The one with the dark hair said.

'Did you really?' Knoxville asked.

'Yeah,' Said the blonde. Then the four men laughed as the dark haired one gave a dramatic re-enactment of a man being scared.

'Found it!' Jeff said pulling a crumpled piece of paper from his desk and placing it in front of me.

'Who's this?' The blonde asked pointing to me.

'This is Rian Lightman, my new secretary.' Jeff said. 'Rian, this is Bam Margera and Ryan Dunn. They're both members of the cast.'

'Nice to meet you.' I said turning around to smile at them.

'You two.' Ryan Dunn said.

I noticed they were both rather good looking all though it was Bam who really caught my eye. His bright blue eyes sparkled as they looked at me.

'Hi.' He said shyly playing with the wheels of the skateboard he was holding.

'Okay, so,' Jeff said directing my attention from Bam to him and the travel schedule. 'We'll start in West Chester, Pennsylvania, by Bam's house, then we'll head back up here to New York, then we'll go to Miami and Orlando, England, Los Angeles, Mexico, and then Japan.'

'We're starting in West Chester?' Bam asked looking between the two.

'Yes, Bam.' Knoxville said.

'Shit, I better call Ape and tell her to clean the house.' Bam said laughing. 'Come on Dunn.' He hit him in the stomach.

'Bye guys.' Dunn said waving and opening the door. 'Nice to meet you.' He said to me.

'Bye assholes.' Bam said. 'Bye Rian, see you in a week.' He winked and shut the door.

'I suggest you go home and get some rest while you can.' Jeff said to me laughing.

One week later I was boarding a plane to West Chester, Pennsylvania with Jeff Tremain and and Johnny Knoxville as my new co-workers. I sat between them on the plane.

'Are you ready?' Knoxville asked me as I took _The Devil Wears Prada_ out of my oversized Louis Vuitton carry on.

'Yeah,' I said pulling my Fendi baby doll dress down and pulling my feet out of my Juicy Couture ballet flats.

'You do realize what you have willingly thrown yourself into?' He asked.

'Can you not try to get my newly hired secretary to quit her first day on the job?' Jeff said looking at him. 'And I must say Miss Lightman, you are a marvolous dresser.'

'Thank you, Jeff.' I said smiling at him.

The plane took off and an hour and a half later we were landing.

'Who's picking us up?' I asked grabbing my Louis Vuttion luggage off the luggage carosal and headed towards the door.

'I am.' A voice said.

I turned around and saw none other then Bam stood in front of a black on black Audi wearing a black CKY shirt and black jeans. He also had a green beanie that had a heart with a triangle over it on the side. He dropped the skateboard that was in his hand on the ground and jumped on it.

Skating circles around us he stopped in front of me.

'Nice to see you again.' He said.

'Come on, Bam, let's go.' Johnny said reaching into the drivers side and opening the trunk. He and Jeff placed their bags into the trunk and picked up mine as well.

'Let's go!' Bam said swinging his arm around in the air. He got in the drivers side and Jeff got in the front. Johnny and I got in the back. And off we went. Bam turned up the radio so loud it was pulsing through me. He played air guitar and drummed while he drove barely holding onto the steering wheel. Flinging his head all around he turned around and looked at Johnny and I in the back. Laughing as I held on to the door.

'We're here!' He screamed and whiped the car into the driveway of a large yellow house. The mailbox was black and said BAM on the side with the symbol from his hat on the door. He pulled to a stop in the driveway and we all climbed out. He opened the truck and took only my bags out before shutting it and locking the doors.

'Bam!' Jeff and Johnny said as we laughed.

'Later!' He said carrying my bags into the house. 'Ape, Phil!' He screamed as he made his way to the kitchen. I followed taking in pictures of what I assumed to be him and another boy I assumed as his brother growing up.

'Ape, this is Rian, Jeff's new secretary.' Bam said pointing to me.

'Hi.' I said waving.

'Hello, I'm Bam's mother, April.' She said smiling. She was a pretty blonde lady, who was cooking.

'What cha makin' Ape?' Bam asked looking over the pot.

'Where are Johnny and Jeff?' She asked. 'Mashed Potatoes.'

'Trying to get into my locked car.'

Almost on cue Jeff and Johnny came into view. 'Bam! We need your keys.' Jeff said.

'Here.' He said tossing them. 'Ape, where's everyone sleeping?'

'Well, Jeff, Johnny, and Rian can sleep in the guest room.' Ape said.

'Alright.' He said.

Jeff and Johnny entered with their stuff.

'Where are we sleeping?' Jeff asked.

'Guest room.'

I picked up my bags and followed them back towards the stairs I had passed earlier.

'I like her.' I heard April whisper to whom I assumed was Bam.

'Me too.'

After dining on April's delicious cooking, and meeting the rest of the guys, plus Bam's CKY friends, and Phil. Bam decalred a bon fire in the backyard. Bam and his friends gathered wood and lit a huge fire which we all gathered around. Bam and some of the other guys skateboarded on the half pipe that was in the backyard.

I was sitting by the fire talking with April. She had to have been the nicest mother I had ever met. We talked about clothes and Bam and my new job and Bam. It seemed to me as though she was trying to hook us up.

Suddenly hands covered my eyes and I screamed in surpirse.

'Guess who...' A voice whispered in my ear.

'Bam!' I said. 'You scared the hell out of me.'

He came and stood in front of me laughing.

'Bam, will you leave her alone.' April said.

'Rian, stand up.' He said ignoring his mother.

'What?' I asked. 'Why?'

'I want to see how tall you are.'

I stood up and fell right into his trap. He picked me up by the waist and threw me over his shoulder running towards the mini ramp.

'Bam!' I screamed laughing the whole way.

He put me down next to the ramp as he climbed up.

'Come on, Rian!' He called from the top.

'I'm not going up there!' I said laughing.

'Yeah, come on Rian!' The others called.

'I'll help you up.' Bam said reaching forward.

Sighing I climbed up to the center of the ramp. I took Bam's hand and he pulled me up to the top.

'You okay?' He asked as he helped me to stand.

'Yeah, just a little cold.' I said shivering slightly.

Without a word he took off the green Element hoodie he was wearing and handed it to me before grabing his board and dropping into the ramp. I looked at it for a moment before putting it on, the warmth from his body beating against my cold skin.

Watching him skate, I couldn't help but think he was hitting on me. I hadn't had an actual boyfriend since highschool. And that was only because I was too wrapped up in my college courses to actually have the time for one. But now that I had the time, I couldn't help but think of all the possibilites.

'Warm now?' He asked popping up next to me.

'Yeah, thanks.' I said smiling and making him grin back at me.

'All right guys, bedtime! We have to be up early tommorrow!' Jeff called clapping his hands together.

The others jumped down off the ramp and headed indoors. Bam and I stood staring into each others eyes for a moment before April said, 'Bam, let's go!'

He broke away from his gaze and jumped from the ramp. Helping me down we walked towards the house in a comfortable silence. We reached the door and I went to open it but Bam stopped me.

'You're not gonna say goodnight?' He asked.

'Goodnight Bam.' I said.

'No, I mean--' He leaned in and gave me a peck on the lips. Then he opened the door and pushed me inside.

He went to the fridge to get a cool drink. But I continued my way up the staris trying to grasp what had just happened between Bam and I. I liked him a lot, but I couldn't let that get in the way of my new job.

The week in West Chester went by fast. And I had gotten my first taste of the Jackass expirience. I had watched the guys prank the unsuspecting public and each other, total four golf carts, put alligators in Bam's kitchen, and inflict pain on themselves.

Of all the guys, Bam and I had gotten the closest. We never spoke of that goodnight kiss. But we did spend many late nights talking in his room or in the living room.

And before we knew it we had to move on to New York.

Bam woke me up Sunday morning by jumping on me.

'Get up.' He said sitting up.

'Ugh, Bam.' I said rubbing my face.

'I told you I was waking you up at the ass crack of dawn, woman.' He said rolling off the bed to the floor.

'What was that?' April said from downstairs.

Bam and I began to laugh. I stood up stretching my arms over my head while Bam got off the floor. He went downstairs while I changed.

An hour later Bam drove us to the airport giving us his rock concert the whole way. He carried my bags to the check in and walked with us to the gate.

'Bye Johnny,' He said shaking their hands. 'Jeff.'

Jeff and Johnny picked up their bags and got in line to get their tickets checked by the attendent.

'Let me see your phone.' He said.

'What?' I asked confused.

'Let me see it.'

I reached into my Louis Vuitton carry-on and dug around for my Blackberry Pearl. I handed it to him and he instantly began typing.

'What are you doing?' I asked.

'I put my number in so we could text and call each other.' He said giving it back.

'Oh.' I slipped it back into my bag.

I was about to turn towards the line when he grabbed my shoulder and whiped my body around pulling me in for a quick hug.

'I'll see you in a week.' He said.

'Okay.'

'Call me when you land.' He said pulling back as I nodded. 'Promise?'

'Promise.' I picked up my bag, smiling, and made it onto the plane just before take off.

New York was the most boring stop of the trip. Johnny was the only member of the cast that was there, so it was a pretty boring week. You really can't get much footage with one guy. It was nice to sleep in my own bed and have my wardobe back.

Bam and I texted the entire week. I filled him in on things we had filmed and things we had come up with. He called me three times a day. When he woke up, around lunch time, and before he went to bed. I looked forward to his calls. Before I knew it, it was Friday and we would be leaving in two days.

'Hello?' I asked sleepily.

'Hi, Rian. What are you doing?' Bam voice asked.

Looking at the clock I noticed it was three in the morning.

'Sleeping.' I said rolling over.

'Oh, sorry.' His words slurred and I had a feeling he had been drinking.

'Is everything all right?' I asked.

'Yeah,' He said pausing a moment before continuing. 'I just wanted to hear your voice.'

'Bam, have you been drinking?' I asked.

'Yeah.' He said.

'Bam, go to sleep.' I said.

'I miss you.' He said.

'Bam, I'll see you in two days. Go to sleep and call me when you wake up.'

'Okay, goodnight.'

'Night.'

'Why are you so tired?' Johnny asked a few hours later.

'Bam called me at three.' I said yawning.

'For what?' Jeff asked laughing.

'I don't know. He was drinking.'

'Oh.' They said.

We sat in the office waiting for the day to end so we could fly to Miami tommorrow to be with the other guys. My phone rang.

'Excuse me.' I said grabbing it and saying, 'Hello.'

'Hi,' Bam's voice said.

'Hey,' I said.

'Did I call you last night?' He asked.

'Yeah, why.'

'Cause I think I remember it.' He said. 'What time was that at?'

'Like three.'

'Oh my god. I'm sorry.' He said laughing slightly. 'What did I say?'

'That you wanted to hear my voice.' I said.

'Oh. I have such a bad headache.'

'Ha.' I laughed.

'Shutup.' He said. I could picture him shirtless, sitting in his bed, clutching his head.

'Rian.' Jeff said getting my attention.

'Yeah?' I asked.

'You can go home. I mean we're really not doing anything.'

'You're sure?' I asked.

'Yeah.'

'Okay. Bye guys.'

'Where are you going?' Bam asked.

'Home.'

'Why?' He asked. I could hear his closet door open.

'To pack. They don't need me. We were just sitting around.'

'Oh.' I could hear the rustle of him pulling clothes off.

I stepped out onto the street pulling my Burberry trench around my body.

'Well, I think--' I heard Bam start before. 'Oh fuck!'

'Bam?' I asked as the phone dropped to the ground. 'Bam?'

I could hear him screaming.

'Bam?' I asked as I stepped into a cab giving the Indian man my address.

'Jess!' Bam was laughing. 'Stop! Get the fuck off me.'

'Who you on the phone with?' A man asked.

'No one.' Bam said laughing.

'Your _girlfriend_?' The man asked again mocking Bam.

'No.' Bam said laughing still. 'Get off! Jess, no!'

'Hello?' The man asked picking up Bam's phone.

'Jess, no!' Bam screamed.

'Hi.' I said.

'Who's this?' Jess asked.

'Rian.' I said.

'Is this the mystery girl that Bam's really into?' Jess asked. I could hear the smirk in his voice.

'Jess, what the fuck!' Bam said.

'I don't know.' I said.

'Jess, give me the fucking phone.' Bam said. 'Mom!'

Jess must have thrown the phone at Bam because he got back on the phone as I stepped out of the cab paying the man.

'Hello?' He said panting.

'Hi.' I said walking to the door of my building. 'Who was that?'

'Sorry, that was my brother, Jess. He's such an asshole. He just tackled and pinned me to the ground and all I have on is my boxers.'

Laughing I asked, 'What were you saying before he tackled you?'

'I was gonna say, I'll go.' He said.

'Okay. Sounds good. I just got home anyway.' I said as I unlocked my door.

'All right. I'll call you later.'

'Kay. Bye.'


	2. April 2002

April:

Sunday morning I woke up early. I showered quickly. Coming into my room with only a towel on my phone rang.

'Hello?' I asked opeing my sock drawer.

'Excited to see me in like four hours?' A voice I had grown to know as Bam's asked.

'Yeah.' I said smiling.

'What are you doing?' He asked.

'Nothing. I just got out of the shower.' I said opening my closet. Most of my clothes were packed so this was going to be harder. 'What are you doing?'

'Packing.'

'Shouldn't you have done that last night?' I asked.

'Yeah, probably.'

'Hey, I have to go.' I said looking at the time. I only had 45 minutes before I had to meet Johnny and Jeff. 'I'll call you when I get there.'

'Okay, bye.'

Throwing my phone to the bed I turned back to my closet. I chose Abercrombie & Fitch destroyed dark wash skinnies with a blue wife beater from Element. I put on a gray Hollister zip-up hoodie, slipped on some gold gladiator sandels from the Gap and shoved my essentials in my black Marc by Marc Jacobs bag. Fixing my hair and make-up quickly I grabbed my bags and headed for the office.

An three hours later we exited the plane and stepped into Miami. As soon as I was off the terminal I called Bam.

'Yeah, I figured it'd be you, that's why I didn't answer it.' His voicemail said instantly.

'Hey,' I said looking around the crowded airport. 'We landed. Just seeing when you would be. Call me.'

I followed Jeff and Johnny to the awaiting car outside the airport. We got in and soon arrived outside the Fairfield Inn. I got out and grabbed my bags. My phone beeped so I reached into my purse and pulled it out. Suddenly, someone grabbed my middle and spun me around.

'Ah!' I screamed.

Whoever it was put me down and I spun around quickly and came face to face with a shirtless Chris Pontius.

'Chris! You scared the hell out of me!' I said clutching my heart.

'How are you?' He asked pulling me in for a hug.

'Good. How are you?' I asked.

'Where's Bam and Dunn?' Steve-O asked coming out of the hotel, also shirtless.

'I called Bam when we landed. He didn't answer.' I said picking my stuff up again.

'Is everyone here?' Jeff asked.

'No.' Pontius answered. 'Ehren and Dave will be flying in tommorrow. But, Wee Man and Preston are here.'

We checked in and I brought my stuff up to my room. Jeff and Johnny were on my left and Pontius and Steve-O were on my right. Preston and Wee Man were across from Jeff and Johnny.

I began to unpack some of my stuff and get situated. As I was turning on my AC, my phone rang.

'Hello?' I asked.

'Hey.' It was Bam.

'We're on our way to the hotel now.' He said.

'Okay, I'll see you in a bit then?'

'Yeah.'

'Okay, bye.'

'Knock, knock.' Jeff said knocking on my open door.

'Hey, Jeff. I just talked to Bam. They're on their way here now.'

'Okay.' He said. 'I came to talk to you about something though.'

'Yeah?' I asked. I had no idea where this could be going, but I was nervous.

'Is there something going on between you and Bam?' He asked.

_Oh shit._ I thought. 'No. I mean I like him, but we're not like together.' I said shakily.

'Well, I can't stop you from dating him if you want, but you have to know, this **can not** interfere with my movie.'

'I know, Jeff.' I said. 'I'm not about to fuck up my job.'

'Just checking.' He said getting up. 'See you in a bit.'

I decided to change out of my jeans into shorts. Opening my suitcase I chose a pair of white American Eagle bermuda shorts and a navy blue striped top with elbow length selves from the Gap. I figured I'd wear the same sandels.

As I was getting dressed I heard Bam's voice coming up the hall. Feeling a small jolt in my stomach I hurried. When I opened the door, I noticed the door across from mine was now open. I ran across the hall bare foot and saw Bam standing in front of the first double bed with his bag open. I ran up and jumped on the bed making him jump back.

'What the fuck!' He said in surprise.

I feel to my knees laughing as he tackled me down onto the bed.

'Hi.' I said.

'Hi.' He said. 'I missed you.'

'I missed you too.'

For a moment it seemed as though his face was getting closer to mine as it loomed above me, and I thought for a moment he was going to kiss me before Dunn interupted us.

'Ew, Bam, get a room.' He said stepping out of the bathroom.

'Shut up, Dipshit.' Bam said climbing off me.

'Hi, Dunn.' I said sitting up.

'Hi Rian. Nice to see you again.'

'No fucking way!' Bam said standing in the doorway. 'Are you across the hall?' He said turning back to us.

'Yeah.' I said.

'That is so ri-Goddamn-diculous!' He said smiling.

Florida was going great. We had gotten a ton of great footage. And I was having a blast with all the guys.

'Rian.' Jeff called from inside the van.

'Yeah, Jeff?' I asked poking my head into the door.

'Can you go in there and make sure Bam, Tony, and Matt are filming and not just skating like last night.' He said pointing to the building behind him.

'Sure.'

I walked in to a small lobby. I continued forward and pushed open two large metal doors exposing a room full of ramps and jumps.

I spotted our camera crew by a half pipe and walked over. The three guys were wrapped in bubble wrap and fat person clothes for a skit called 'Sweaty Fat Fucks.' Tony Hawk was helping Bam up the ramp while Matt Hoffman did arial flips on his bike a ramp away. I watched as Bam finally got his leg onto the coping before Tony pushed him and he went sliding down the ramp.

'I think that's a wrap.' Lance the camera man said shutting off his camera. Bam, Tony, and Matt began to peel off the bubble wrap exposing their sweat soaked bodies.

'Ri Ri!' Bam called when he saw me. 'What are you doing?' He asked peeling the bubble wrap from his legs.

'Seeing how filming was going.' I said stepping closer to him.

He had nothing on but his boxers as he stepped out of the bubble wrap. 'Doing this bit in Florida was the worst fucking idea ever.' He said to me and a camera that was behind me. 'I'm so fucking hot.'

'Ew.' I said shaking my head.

'What?' He asked smirking.

'Nothing.' I said.

Suddenly he doged towards me.

'Bam!' I screamed. He grabbed me around the waist hugging my body aganist his sweaty one.

'Ew! Bam!' I said as he let go.

He laughed as I hit him. 'It's not funny.' I said walking outside. I got in the van and sat down sighing and thorwing my head back. My phone rang.

'Hello?' I asked.

'Are you mad at me?' Bam asked.

'No,' I said. 'Why?'

'It seemed it.' He said. There was an awkward pause for a moment. 'Hey, I have an idea for tonight.'

'What?' I asked.

'I said I have an idea for tonight.' He said. 'Let's go get a tattoo.'

'What!' I said sitting up.

'Yeah.' He said laughing. 'Come on, Rian. We'll get matching tattoos.'

'Bam...' I said sighing again.

'Rian, please.' Bam said. 'I'm begging you. It'll be fun.'

'Fine.' I said.

At 9:30 a knock came on my door. I got up from my chair, putting down the book I was reading and went to open it.

On the other side was Bam wearing black sweatpants low on his hips, no shirt, and a black beanie.

'Let's go.' He said pulling my out of my room and shutting the door.

'Bam.' I said as he pulled me down the hall.

'Rian.' We got in the elevator and he leanded aganist the bar on the wall. We stood in silence until we reached the bottom floor and the bell rang and the doors opened.

'Excuse me, sir.' The woman at the desk said as he pulled me across the lobby.

'What?' He said rather rudly.

The woman looked taken aback but stood her ground. 'You need to have a shirt and shoes on in the lobby.'

'It's a...' He was thinking of some excuse. 'Religious matter.'

'Oh!' She said placing her hand over her mouth. 'I'm so sorry. Forgive me.'

'Ma halo.' He said bowing and pulling me out the door trying to hold back laughter.

'Religious matter?' I asked stopping him outside the door. 'Where'd you come up with that one?'

'Me and Ville came up with it in London once when we got in trouble for running around the hotel in our boxers.' He said laughing.

'Ville?' I asked confused.

'Valo.' He said. I gave him an even more confused look. 'Ville Valo. Lead singer of H.I.M.'

I just looked at him as he walked to the van and got in. I got in the passenger side and we sped out of the parking lot. We pulled up to a tattoo parlor right on the strip and Bam got out. I realized for the first time what I had gotten myself into.

Bam came over and opened my door.

'Aren't you coming Rian?' He asked.

'I don't know.' I said.

'Rian.' He said. 'Relax, it's not that bad. I'll hold your hand. It really doesn't hurt much. And you promised.'

I looked at him and he smirked at me. I got out and he shut the door. He put his hand on the small of my back and pushed me forward. I stopped again outside the door.

'I've never even met this guy.' I said. 'I don't trust him.'

'I have. He did this one.' He said pointing to the tattoo that always peeked out from above his pants. I had caught myself staring at this tattoo numerous times wndering just how far below the waistband it went. 'He's from West Chester. I went to school with him. And you trust me, don't you?'

'Yeah.'

'Alright then.' He said pushing me through the door. 'Is Mike here?' He asked the highly pireced girl behind the counter.

'Yeah.' she said.

'Is he busy?' Bam asked.

'No.'

'Could you get him?' Bam asked.

'Yeah.' She turned and went to the back.

'Well she seemed happy to be here.' I whispered in Bam's ear making him turn to smile at me.

While we waited I took the time to glance around. It was like anyother tattoo parlor. There was a desk with a register where we had met the girl and the walls were littered with pictures from half naked women to mythical creatures and the occasional tribal symbol that probably had no real meaning. There were a few chairs against one wall and a table was in front of them covered in magazines showing off tattoos.

'He says to send you back.' The girl said returning. She lifted a piece of the counter that was on hinges and let us into the back area. Bam grabbed my hand and laced our fingers and pulled me through to the back.

It was small with only a wall dividing it from the waiting room. There wasn't even a door. A girl about my age was sitting in a red leather chair that reminded me of a dentist. A large tattooed man sat bent over her stomach etching a butterfly into it. Her face screwed up in pain one last time and then the man sat up.

'Done.' He said reaching into a container next to him and slapping a yellow substance onto it.

'Thanks.' She sat up and noticed Bam and I for the first time. 'Oh my god! You're Bam Margera! Can I have your autograph?'

Bam laughed and said sure. She handed him a piece of paper and a pen from her purse and he used the wall to scribble Ashley a quick message.

'Thanks.' She said hugging him.

'No problem.' He said as she left. I noticed he took a quick glance at her ass and I felt a pang of jealousy.

'Bam Bam.' The man said standing up and doing the man hug with Bam.

'Mikey.' Bam said in return. 'This is my friend Rian. Rian this is Mike.'

'Hi.' I said.

'Hello.' Mike said sitting down on his small stool again. 'What can I do for you Bam Bam?'

'Rian and I want to get tattoos and I figured you oculd hook us up.' Bam said.

'Of course.' Mike said laughing. He took a pair of latex gloves out of a box and slipped them on.

'Get up there Rian.' Bam said pointing to the chair. I gave him a frown but climbed up and placed my hands on my stomach.

'So,' Mike said. 'Do you know what you want?'

Bam walked over and whispered in Mike's ear.

'Okay.' Mike said. 'You got a color in mind Bam?'

'Black.' Bam said standing to my left. 'Close your eyes.'

I did as he said and Bam took my right hand and flipped it over exposing my inner wrist to Mike. Mike to my wrist next and I heard the buzz of the needle start up.

'Oh God.' I mumbled.

'Relax.' Bam whispered in my ear giving me goosebumps. He grabbed my left hand so I could squeeze it if I needed. And then there was a pinch on my wrist.

I came back from the tattoo parlor in pain and drowsy. I just wanted to goto bed. After making sure Bam was locked out, I pulled of my Hollister dark wash destoyed skinny jeans and my blue American Eagle henley and threw them on the floor. Deciding against looking for PJ's I pulled back the covers wearing only a white Abercrombie cami and pink and white striped Victoria's Secret boy shorts. I climbed in bed and fell fast asleep.

'Wake up woman!' A voice yelled a few hours later and I heard the door of my room slam into the wall. 'It' almost the ass crack of noon and we have to catch a flight out of this shithole in a few hours.'

Bam jumped and landed face down to my right on the bed making my body flop around.

'Bam, we're not flying anywhere. We're driving to Orlando.' I said rubbing my eyes and pushing my hair back. 'And how the hell did you get in here?'

'Oh yeah. I stole your extra key off that table by the door.' He said watching my yawn. 'How's your wrist?'

'It hurts, but not as bad as last night.' I said looking at the black heart that was now permantly in my skin.

'Good.' Bam said. 'It's supposed to.'

My mouth flew open in surpirse and I punched his shoulder as hard as I could laying down saying, 'Fuck you.'

'I had some nice morning wood this morning.' He said his eyes twinkling. 'I could get it back up if you want.'

'Ew.' I said throwing the covers back. 'That's disgusting.'

Swinging my legs over the side of the bed I got up and went to the bathroom feeling Bam's eyes on my ass the whole way. I had completely forgotten about my lack of pants. I grabbed my toothbrush and began to brush my teeth.

'Are you all packed?' I asked but it came out slightly strange because of the toothbrush. 'Bam?'

His eyes travled up my body slowly and he reminded me of a little boy in a toy store.

'What?' He asked when we made eye contact.

'Nevermind.' I said going back to spit. I shut the door to pee and only ten did I realize what he had been gapping at. I heard him turn the volume up on the TV to a defining roar and realized there was no need to feel embarresed now. He'd practically seen everything.

So I sauntered back out into my room. He was now sprauled on my bed laughing at the cartoons.

'Is that loud enough?' I screamed.

'What?' He asked turning it down.

'Does it have to be that loud?' I asked. He didn't answer so I turned back to my suitcase trying to decide on an outfit.

I chose an Abercrombie dark wash skirt with a pink tee from Victoria's Secret PINK and matching flip flops. Again I could feel Bam's eyes on my ass and body as I went through my clothes. I went to the bathroom and changed quickly.

'Do you need help packing?' I asked coming back out and shutting my suitcase.

'Yeah.' He said looking at me. 'Could you?'

'Yeah.' I said. 'Let's go.'

We stepped across the hall to Bam and Dunn's room and I began to pack Bam's stuff while he got into the rest of the mini bar and waking up Dunn.

An hour later the whole cast plus me was squeezed into the black van we had rented and were on our way to Orlando. Jeff drove with Johnny next to him. Steve-O, Weeman, and Preston sat in the backseat. I sat in the third row between Bam and Dunn. I think I was more smooshed into Bam but I couldn't tell if he was doing it on purpose or not. Ehren and Dave drove in a second van with the crew.

We pulled up to our hotel around eight and the guys decided to do a little drinking. There was a bar walking distance from the hotel so off we went. I had been able to change quickly before we left choosing on a balck and white striped sweater from Volcom and the jeans I had been wearing. I took off my flip flops and slipped into black Dior pumps and off we went.

We chose a large booth because the bar wouldn't fit all of us. I slid into the wall and Bam scooted in next to me before someone else could. Dunn sat next to him and Ehren next to him. Steve-O sat across from me next to Johnny and Jeff. Preston pulled up an extra table for him Weeman, Dave and Pontius. Bam rested his arm behind me while he drank. I don't drink so I sat and ate a salad and talked with the guys.

We talked and had a great time. I think each of the guys offered to buy me a drink and I had to explain nine times I don't drink. Around ten I was getting tired so I said I was going back to the hotel.

Bam instantly said he was walking me back. I could tell he had a good buzz on but he wasn't drinking as heavily as the others. Bam and I left the bar and walked to the hotel in a comfortable silence. He took my hand in his lacing our fingers together and took out a cigarette and lit up smoking as we walked.

We reached the parking lot and he threw his cigarette on the ground stomping on it. He opened the door of the hotel for me and I smiled walking in. He grabbed my hand again and we went to the elevator. He pressed the large number 6.

'Uh, Bam.' I said confussed. 'We're on the third floor.'

'I know.' He said as the doors shut.

'Then why'd you hit six?' I asked.

'So I could do this.'

He pressed me up aganist the wall with his body and pushed my hands up the wall. He held them above my head as he kissed me passionatly. We made out in the elevator for the entire minute and a half it took us to reach the sixth floor. The bell chimed and he broke away stepping out with a smirk on his face. I giggled as I followed him. He walked ahead of me down the hallway. Stopping when we reached a window overlooking the pool room.

'I thought there was no pool here.' He said looking back at me.

'I thought so too.' I said.

He took off running to the end of the hall making me chase after him. He opened a door at the end and and ran down the stairs.

'Bam where are you going?' I asked laughing as I chased after him.

'To get my bathing suit.' He called over his shoulder. He opened the door to the third floor and began to walk casualy down the hall as if he hadn't just been running. Giggling again I walked with him down the hall to our respective rooms. He gave me a peck on the lips quickly before pushing me into the open door of my room and slamming the door to his.

I changed quickly. Pulling on my pure white string bikini from Abercrombie with a small brown moose on the hip. I threw my hair up into a messy bun. I grabbed a towel and was about to leave when my phone beeped. I dropped my things onto the bed and walked to my phone. The text was from Bam.

_Come up here. ;)_

I smiled as I threw my phone back onto the table and slipped on my white Abercrombie rubber flip flops. I picked up my towel and headed for the stairs to make sure I didn't run into the guys. I reached the sixth floor and walked down to the pool. Bam was in the hot tub already with his head back and his eyes closed. I slid my key into the door quietly. Tip toeing across the floor I dropped my towel onto a nearby chair and slid into the water.

My plan had worked. He had yet to hear me. I swam up to him and began to kiss him. After a moment I felt his tongue on my bottom lip asking for permisson to enter. I accepted and our tongues wrestled inside each other's mouths as he pulled me closer so I was straddeling him. Our kiss grew deeper and finally we had to break for air.

'You're such a whore, Rian.' He said.

I looked shocked. And went to hit him.

'I'm kidding.' He said flinching. 'I'm kidding.' He pulled my face towards his and kissed me again this time much shorter.

We hung out between the pool and the hot tub for another hour kissing and horsing around. He made me feel like I was sixteen again without any care in the world and I love it. Around midnight we decided to go to bed. We walked to the elevator hand in hand. We stepped inside the metal doors making out as we had earlier.

Again he pushed me aganist the wall and his hand went to my flat stomach and I tensed under his touch. His rough, calloused, skate worn hands rubbed aganist my smooth stomach and it made me giggle slightly. He smiled against my lips and his hand went up a little further. The bell rang and the elevator stopped. The sound of someone clearing their throat made us jump apart.

Thankfully it was only a maid. She stepped in holding towels in her hands. The elevator continued to desend and the silence around us was extremley awkward. I had to break it by giggling. Bam began to laugh silently with me. Finally we reached our floor. The door opened and the woman stepped out before us.

'Bitch.' Bam mumbled as I pushed him forward laughing. He made sure to knock over some rolls of toliet paper from her cart as we walked to our rooms.

I opened the door of my room and motioned for him to follow. We continued our kisses just inside my door. The sound of the other guys coming up the hall made me jump back slightly. But Bam insisted on continuing. He pushed roughly against my lips. I pushed him further against the wall. I ran my hands over his naked chest, starting from his tattoo I worked my way up to his hair. His hands ran up and down my hips and thighs. Occasionaly running along my lower back. He was feeling brave and he tugged slightly on the string of my bikini. I gasped into his mouth and giggled.

'Dude, where the fuck's Bam at?' Dunn's slurred voice came from the hallway.

'I should go.' Bam whispered in between kisses.

'Okay.' I whispered back.

We shared a few more short kisses while Dunn was still in the hallway asking where Bam was.

'Goodnight.' Bam said as he gave me one last kiss.

'Night.'

He opened the door and slipped out.

'Where the fuck were you?' Dunn asked instantly.

'Where does it look like dip shit?' Bam asked. I smiled as I heard him walk towards his room Dunn stumbling behind him.

'What were you doing in Rian's room?' Dunn asked.

'None of your fucking business.' Bam said and I heard the door shut behind him.

I woke up the next day to my phone ringing.

'Hello?' I asked groggy.

'Rian,' Jeff said frantically. 'Where are you? The van is leaving in twenty minutes.'

'What?' I asked rolling over to look at the clock that read 8:00.

'Get ready.' He said and he hung up.

I jumped out of bed feeling a bit guilty for sleeping in. I jumped in the shower and took a quick five minuter. I ran to my suitcase and chose a quick outift. I decided to wear a navy blue dress from the Gap that had huge white polkadots covering it. I grabbed a white wifebeater from Aeropostale to wear under it and chose a pair of white wedges from Coach with a big bow on the front.

I ran out the door fifteen minutes later grabbing my phone and white Coach purse off the chair. I brushed my hair on the elevator and slipped a white headband into it. I ran out the door to the van where everyone was piled in except...

'Where's Johnny?' I asked.

'He's already there. Let's go.' Jeff said pointing to the empty passenger side.

I opened the door and climbed in.

'Hi.' I said turning to say goodmorning to the other guys.

'Ow, Rian do you have any Advil on you?' Dunn asked, his head on Bam's shoulder.

'Uh, yeah.' I reached into my purse and handed him the bottle.

'Thank you.' He said. We came to a stop at a light and I pulled down the viser and started to do my makeup.

'Is that nessacary?' Jeff asked glancing over at me as I aplied eyeliner.

'Do you want me to look bad?' I asked him.

'No.' He said.

'Good. Me either.' I continued to put on my makeup making eye contact with Bam through the mirror every few seconds.

We arrived at a place near a gross lake. A huge contraption was set up and each of the guys had a certain stunt they had to perform that would eventually send Knoxville into the water. This was supposed to be the closing stunt. I personally didn't think it was going to work. And I was right.

After spending all day in the hot sun I had a nice tan and I was extremely tired. We drove back to the hotel only to find out we were not done filming for the day yet. The guys were dressed in outfits straight out of the '70's and we drove the van to the empty parking lot of the nearest Walmart. There was a large white box truck that the guys would be rollar blading around in and Preston was going to drive it erratically around.

Jeff could not get the fog and lights to work Trip had to tell him that it was impossible for them to be going at the same time. Bam and I joked about it the whole night. I hated watching Bam get so wasted but he said he wasn't doing this scene until he was drunk. It was freezing and I still had my dress on. Thankfully Bam had a black Element hoodie and a beanie with a heartagram on it that he let me wear.

It took about two hours to get enough usable footage and then we piled back into the van and off we went. There were more of us then usual because we had only taken one van this time. The guys were wasted and I sat on the edge of my seat next to Dunn and the door. Bam sat in front of us on the floor.

Without warning he stood up and threw up near the door while we sped down the high way. Everyone in the back began to laugh and he turned around. He counted us drunkenly before slurring, 'Fuck all six of ya!'

The van smelled horrible the rest of the way to the hotel. I climbed out of the van avoiding Bam's puke, and went straight to bed. We had an early flight in the morning.

I woke up the next morning to find Bam passed out next to me. I was really confused on why he was asleep next to me. I left him sleeping and jumped in the shower. I climbed out and went through my suitcase looking for something to wear. I chose gray Hollister sweat pants that said HCO on the butt in seafoam green. Then I chose a seafoam green wifebeater from Element. I got dressed and was just pulling my top over my head when Bam's phone rang.

'Hello?' I asked grabbing it off the bed next to him.

'Are you with Bam?' Dunn's voice asked.

'Yeah, why?' I asked running my fingers through my hair.

'Where are you guys?'

'In my room.' I said. 'I woke up and he was passed out next to me.'

'Oh.-' He was cut off by a beep that signaled my other line.

'I have to go. Ape's calling.' I switched over. 'Hello?'

'Hi. Is this Rian?' She asked.

'Yes.'

'How are you?' She asked.

'I'm good, how are you?' I asked.

'Good. Listen tell Bam I still can't find his passport and I can't get a new one on such short notice. So he won't be able to go to England.'

'What?' I asked.

'I know.' April said sounding depressed. 'Oh and tell him Element called. He has Demo's this week.'

'I'll tell him.' I said sighing.

'Thanks sweetie.'

I closed his phone and threw it on the bed. Sighing I laid down next to him and gave him a kiss. He opened his eyes slowly and then kissed me back.

'Can I ask why you're in my room?' I asked.

'Becuase Random Hero over there,' He pointed in the general direction of his room. 'Kicked me out he was so wasted.'

'Oh.' I said.

'Why are you mad?' Bam asked.

'No. I was just confused. And he must not remember doing it 'cause he called looking for you.'

Bam began to laugh as he sat up.

'You're mom called too.' I said.

'What'd she say?' Bam asked turning to face me.

'She can't find your passport and she can't get one on such short notice. So you can't go to England. And you have skate demos all next week.'

'Ugh.' He fell back onto the bed next to me. 'That sucks so bad. You guys get to go to fucking England and I have to stay in West Chester.'

'It's only a week.' I said reassuringly although I wasn't certain I could do it.

England was better than New York but it wasn't the same without Bam. And we got absolutely no footage besides Knoxville's Rocket Skates. The plus side was I got to go shopping at Barney's and I got a ton of new stuff. And Jeff promoted me to Assistant after his old one fucked up for the last time.

Dunn and I called Bam in between takes and told him what was going on. It was really just a lot of drinking and he wasn't missing out but he said he was. It was werid to be in another timezone than him. We couldn't talk as often as when I was in New York and he was working just as much as I was.

The next stop was Los Angeles which was exciting. I had never been to the West Coast. And Bam would be there. We were there for two weeks because we had to film the opening and new closing scenes. Which were probably the funnest days of the trip. It was really funny to see all the guys in their old man make up. Bam and I had somehow managed to sneak off to a bathroom where he pinned me against the wall and kissed me.

'This is weird.' I said pulling back.

'Why?' He asked.

'I feel like I'm cheating on you with my grandpa.'

On the last day of filiming in L.A. I got a call from my mom. She said my sister, Beth, had been in an accident. I broke down there in front of the crew and ran towards the new rental van. Bam followed me and I told him what happened. I had to leave early and go home.

The next day I spoke with Jeff about my situation. He said it was fine that I left and that Bam had spoken to him last night about going with me. He had said it was okay for us to both go and take a week off. I thought it was so sweet that Bam wanted to come home with me. And I told him so that night. Jeff said they weren't going to Mexico without Bam and I so they decided to go to the Pacific North West.

Bam and I left the next morning and headed straight for Boston.

'I thought you lived in New York.' Bam said as we stepped off the terminal.

'I do.' I said.

'Well, aren't we a little far then?' Bam asked following me out of Logan airport.

'Bam, I'm from Boston. I'm going to school in New York.' I said turning to face him.

'Oh.'

'Rian!' I heard my mother shriek as she ran towards me.

'Hi, mom.' I said hugging her.

'It's so good to see my baby.' She said pulling back to look at me. 'Who's this?'

'Uh, this is Bam Margera, he's uh...' I was unsure of how to address him. Friend or boyfriend?

'Her boyfriend.' He said holding out a hand and reading my mind.

'Oh!' My mother shrieked pulling him in for a hug. 'Call me Emily, dear.'

We piled into the car after many hugs from my mother and sped off to Massachusetts General Hospital to see Beth. We got there in no time and walked to the elevator. I wondered if Bam wanted to participate in our favorite elevator acitivites as much as I did. But I figured it would be really awkward with my mother in the mix.

We walked to my sisters room. She was awake and very happy to see me. We were always really close.

'Hi, dear.' My mother said walking into the room. 'How are you feeling? I brought your sister and her new boyfriend.'

'Hi Beth.' I said leaning over to give her a hug.

'Boyfriend?' She whispered.

'I'll tell you about it later.' I whispered back. Standing up I introduced them. 'Beth this is Bam, my boyfriend. Bam, this is my sister, Beth.'

'Hi.' Beth said.

'Yo.' Bam said. 'Nice to meet you.'

We stayed for a little while longer before heading to our house.

Our week in Boston was interesting. We saw a lot of Beth and I and some how found alone time with her to tell her the truth about Bam and I. The good thing about our lie was we didn't have to hide kisses like we did with the guys. And we could sleep in the same bed which was also interesting. Bam later told me he had said we were together for those reasons. I mean we practically were together anyways. We were able to get Bam a passport so he could actually go to Mexico. I gave him a tour of the city and we did the stupid little things couples do. We went out to eat in Fanuel Hall and held hands along the Freedom Trail. He even took me shopping in Copley Square and bought me Ray Ban sunglasses and a new Chanel bag.

I realized that night, as he wrapped me up in his arms, that I was falling in love with Bam Margera.


	3. May 2002

May:

The week ended quickly and we were soon boarding a plane to go to Mexico with the guys. They were already there and couldn't wait for us to arive. Dunn and Pontius picked us up from the airport and drove us to the hotel. We caught up and Pontius went on forever about how much he hated the Pacific North West.

The hotel was beautiful. It was right on the ocean and my room had an ocean view. I began to change into my bathing suit as everyone was down by the pool. I noticed Bam had left his phone so I picked it up. He got a text message so I read figuring he wouldn't care as it was from Dunn.

_Where the fuck are you? Watching her change?_

Intrigued I looked through his other texts. Most were from Dunn while we were in Boston.

_Did you fuck her yet?_

_Will you just fucking ask her out before I do? I'm sick of hearing how much you like her._

_Bam, I'm your best friend. If I thought you sleeping with your bosses assistant was bad wouldn't I tell you?_

I went to his outbox and read the ones he was sending to Dunn.

_No. I did not fuck her yet. I think I want to take my time with this one. She's not like some random._

_You ask her out and I will disown you as a best friend. _

_I like her so fucking much dude. We have this like connection. I never feel awkward with her and I can tell her anything._

_Do you think it would be bad to say I'm fucking my bosses assistant? What if we got fired?_

I changed quickly so I could bring the phone down the Bam. I wasn't going to tell him about the texts I had read.

We sat around the pool all day. Jeff had a waiter come over around dinner time to give us a menu and take our orders.

'Hola.' The man said stepping up to the table. 'Me llama Miguel. Que desan Uds?'

'Do you speak English?' Jeff asked.

'Que?' Miguel asked.

'Rian?' Jeff asked causing me to look up from my menu. 'Do you happen to speak Spanish?'

'Some.' I said biting my lip.

'Can you ask him if he speaks English?'

'Hablar Ingles?'

'No.' He said shaking his head smiling.

'No, Jeff. He doesn't.' I looked back down at my menu.

'Well, can you communicate with him for us?' Jeff asked.

'Oh!' I said finally realizing why they were all staring at me. 'Yeah.'

'Que les traigo de bebida?' Miguel asked.

'What do you guys want for a drink?' I asked.

'Beer.' They all answered at once.

'Me trae deiz Budwieser y un agua.' I said.

'Si. Un momento.' Miguel said walking away.

'Why don't we all just get Nachos?' Jeff asked looking up. 'I mean, if we're drinking...'

'Okay.' Was heard around the group. 'Yeah.'

Miguel came back with the ten beers and one water. 'Para quien es el agua?'

'Para mi.' I said. He handed me my glass and passed the others out their booze.

'Que les traigo de plato principal?' He asked.

'You guys gettin nachos?' I asked.

'Yes Rian.' Bam said taking a sip of his beer.

'Quiero un-'

'Make it two orders.' Knoxville said.

'Quiero dos nachos y un ensalada con pollo.' I said handing him my and the others menus.

'Si.' He took them and went back to the kitchen.

'What'd you get Ri?' Bam asked.

'Voy a pedir la ensalada con pollo.'

'In English please?' Dunn said from Bam's right.

'Oh.' I said laughing. 'I forgot. Salad with chicken.'

'You eat to healthy.' Bam said.

'You eat too junky.' I said sticking my tongue out at him.

My four years of Spanish in High School was finally paying off. I had to use it almost everyday. Whether it was to order food or keep one of the guys out of jail. The week went by very quickly and before any of us knew it, it was our last night here. The guys wanted to go to the bar and get drunk. I decided to stay behind. Bam said he wanted to stay with me. But I made him go out for at least a little while. He came knocking on my door after four drinks.

I let him in and he told me I couldn't be alone in my last night in Mexico. We hung out and watched a few movies. He told me he couldn't come to Japan with us in the morning. It practically broke my heart. Two weeks without him and after that the movie was wrapped. I feel into his shoulder crying.

'Ri.' He whispered into my ear. 'Rian stop. Look at me.'

He grabbed my cheeks holding my head in his hands. I looked up at him.

'I want to tell you something.' I hiccuped.

'What?' He asked confused.

'I-' I swallowed hard. I had to tell him. 'I love you.'

He went from confused to glad before I finished saying 'you.'

He pulled my lips to his and kissed me like he never had before. We broke apart after a minute. 'I love you too, Rian.'

I attacked his lips with force and he faught back just as hard. I grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up over his head, his heartagram necklace falling onto the skin. I placed my cold hands against his warm skin, causing goose bumps. He grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head exposing my deep purple Aeire bra. He pushed me down onto the bed kissing me the whole way down.

I could hardly believe this was happening. He began to undo my jeans while we kissed. I helped him pull them down. He looked down at my half naked body smirking. I giggled as he undid his pants kicking them to the ground. He attacked my mouth again but this time he went for my neck as well. He lifted me up slightly and undid my bra with a swift movement. I let it fall to the ground with the rest of our clothing. He looked at my chest with wide eyes. His finger went to the waist band of my Victoria's Secret PINK red boy shorts.

'These need to go.' He said toying with the waistband. I giggled as I slid my toe down his hip pulling his boxers down with it. They fell to the ground and I finally got to see just how far that tattoo went.

I woke up the next morning to my phone ringing. I leaned over a naked, snoring Bam to the nightstand to get it.

'Hello?' I said groggily.

'Hi, Rian dear.' My mother said wide awake.

'Hi, mom.' I said laying back down where I was. Bam rolled over and put his arm around my waist.

'You sound like you just woke up.' My mother said.

'Cause I did.' I said yawning.

'Oh, well your sister is doing great and she can't wait for you to come home so you can do your girly things.' My mom said.

'That's good.' I said.

'Yes. But the doctor said she can't be doing anything to laborous until summer. So you girls can spend the whole summer together.' There was a silent pause. 'How's Bam?'

'Good.' I said snuggling into his warm body.

'Oh your aunt called last week--'

'Mom, I'll call you later.' I said.

'Okay bye hun!'

'Bye.' I threw the phone to the ground. I had to pee so I got up and put my panties back on and Bam's Element shirt since I couldn't find mine. I went the bathroom and heard a knock on the door.

I opened it to find a fully dressed Dunn. 'What?' I asked.

He pushed the door open all the way. I watched him look around the room not really caring. He could see our discarded clothing and Bam sitting up in a very messy bed looking around.

'Late night?' He asked me smirking.

He pushed by me and walked into the room. 'Yo, Bam Bam.' He said falling onto the bed next to him.

'I'm taking a shower.' I said trying to avoid awkardness but Bam ruined that.

'I'll be in a minute.'

I could hear him and Dunn talking. And I knew it was about last night. True to his word he entered the bathroom a moment later saying bye to Dunn. He climbed into the shower with me not even thinking twice about anything. We showered and got ready to go to the airport where he'd be heading home and I would be going to Japan.

We left for the airport and hour later. The time came where we had to part ways.

Bam said bye to the other guys before me. He pulled me in for a hug. I began to cry slightly.

'Bye.' He whispered. Dunn was the only one of the guys who had stayed back so he gave me a kiss.

'Bye.' I said close to tears.

'Go, get on your plane.' He said pushing me to Dunn. 'Two weeks. That's it. Call me.'

I nodded not trusting myself to speak. Dunn and I entered the plane and found our seats. Dunn would be my moral support for the next two weeks.

Japan was another bad stop on our trip. I did nothing but think about Bam. It was hard to call becuase of the time diffence. I stayed up late and woke up early. My sleep started to dwindle. Jeff got really worried and told me to take a day off, but I refused. I was doing this to myself. I needed to face the consiquences and not take them out on my job. We texted all day and night too. Just to say I'm thinking about you. My stomach always fluttered when I got one of these.

The amazing thing was we were able to keep our feelings underwraps. Dunn was the only one who knew what had happened between us.

I tried everything to take my mind off him. And it worked until I had time to just think. I had to keep myself busy all the time.

I finally stepped onto American soil two weeks later. Being home in New York made me feel better. The first thing on list of things to do was a good old fashioned sleep over with the girls.

I called up my best friend Andrea, Drea for short. She couldn't beleive I was back and able to talk. I had tried to talk to her during filming, but one of the guys always interupted me. It was nice to be able to talk to her again.

Then I called Lexi. She was great as a freind but sometimes it felt a little weird. We could go forever without talking but once we did it was like a three hour phone conversation about everything we had missed in each others lives.

And then there was Drew. He was a gay guy I had met three years ago in a night club. He had been up there shaking his thing to Britney and when I had accidently bumped into him and he complemented me on my outfit we had been best friends. He wasn't the greatest friend in the world, and he treated me like shit at times, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop loving him.

They all agreed to a sleep over at my place. They showed up around seven and then the party began. We started with hugs and then I told them funny stories about filming and about the guys. Drea was the most interested. She was a huge fan of the show. My phone rang and a picture of Bam and I on the beach in Mexico flashed across the screen. I grabbed it feeling my stomach do a flip.

'Hello?'

'Hey,' Bam said. 'How are you?'

'Good.' I said smiling broadly. 'How are you?'

'Better now.' He said. 'Dunn was telling me about the footage you guys got. Was it good?'

'It was alright. We got some funny stuff. Better then New York and England anyway. But, yeah, the funniest was probably Pontius doing Partyboy all over Tokyo.'

Bam laughed saying, 'I wish I had seen that.'

There was silence and Drea made me put him on speaker.

'I miss you.' He said. My eyes went wide. I hadn't been expecting that. Now I had to explain to the giggling girls what that was all about.

'I miss you too.'

'What are you doing tonight?' He asked.

'Having a sleep over with some of my friends.' I said telling them to be quiet. 'What are you doing?'

'Hanging with Raab and Dico. ATVing, video games, you know.'

I giggled and he yawned. I heard Raab call to him and the rolling of wheels.

'Are you skating?' I asked.

'Yeah.' He said.

'In the basement?'

'Yes, Rian.'

'I'll let you go then so you can skate.'

'Okay, babe.' I blushed when he said that. 'I'll talk to you tomorrow.'

'Okay, tell Raab I said hi.' I said.

'I will.' He said. 'Bye. Love you.'

'Love you too.'

We hung up and the room burst with the held back giggles of my friends.

'So...' Drew asked smirking at me.

'So...' I said back. 'What?'

'Who was that?' Lexi asked.

'That was a friend.'

'He's obviously more then a friend.' Drew said making the others laugh.

'Is he one of the Jackass guys?' Drea asked smirking.

'Maybe...' I said smiling.

They screamed and Drew said, 'Which one?'

'You have to guess.' I said adding to the suspense.

'Uh, Knoxville?' Drea asked.

'No.' I said.

'Describe him.' Drew said.

'Dark hair, tattoos.' I said trying not to give it away. 'Blue eyes.'

'And he skates.' Lexi added.

'Yes, he does.'

'Okay,' Drew said. 'That leaves out Dunn, Pontius, Dave, Danger Ehren, Steve-O and I'll guess Weeman and Preston.'

'No!' Drea said her head turning to me quickly. I knew she had caught on. 'No!'

I nodded.

'Tell us!' Lexi and Drew screamed.

'Did you kiss him?' Drea asked.

I nodded.

'Did you have sex?'

I nodded feeling my cheeks getting redder.

'I'm so jealous!' Drea sreamed laughing.

'Who the fuck was it?' Drew asked getting angrey we were keeping it from him.

'Bam!' Drea said as I burried my now burning face into a pillow.

'Ew.' Drew said.

Lexi giggled saying, 'Was he good in bed?'

'Yeah.' I said laughing as I pulled my face from the pillow.

I filled them in on almost everything deciding to leave out some details and romantic kisses I felt needed to stay private.

We stayed up late watching some of our favorite movies. Around three we decided to curl up on the floor of my living room and just watch regular TV. To my great pleasure, the only thing that was half decent on was Jackass. I don't know why MTV had to do this to me now. The one time I didn't want to think about the guys, especially Bam.

Bam and I kept in touch for a few months. He was really busy with Element and MTV was offering him a show so he was flying to LA a lot. Finally, the summer had come around and he had the entire month of June off. And I was going to spend it with him.

He called me on the last week of May.

'Hello?'

'Rian!'

'Bam!'

'Will you come to West Chester?' He asked hurridly.

'Yeah, let me just get in my car and drive down.' I said shaking my head.

'No, in June.'

'Even better!' I said.

'Rian, seriously.' He said. 'I have the month off. I want to see you.'

'You want me to spend the month down there?' I asked confused.

'Yeah. You aren't working.'

'I'd love to, Bam.' I said trying not smile. 'But I really can't afford a plane ticket to West Chester at the moment.'

'I'll pay for it.' He said.

'Bam, you are not paying my plane ticket.'

'Yes, I am.' He said. And then he hung up.

'Bam?' I asked. 'Hello? Bam?' I hit the red button on my phone and continued with my project for school. The phone rang fifteen minutes later.

'Hello?' I asked flipping my hair to the side.

'Okay. You're flight leaves ten A.M. on May 31. And that's a Friday. Oh, and you're sister is coming.'

'Bam,' I said hardly believing him. 'You booked a flight for me and my sister?'

'Of course, Ri. I miss you.'

'Babe, I can't believe you did this.' I said.

'I'll see you in a week.' He said. 'Love you. Bye.'

'Love you.'


	4. June 2002

June:

I tried to call Bam all week. But every time I got his voicemail. Wednesday he actually answered his phone.

'Stop calling me. I'll see you Friday.' He hung up.

'Bam-.' I started, but he hung up on me.

I tried again Thursday morning.

'Rian Marie!' He answered.

'Bam!' I screamed.

'What!' He said.

'It's nice to finally talk to you.' I said sarcastically.

'Well, it's nice to talk to you too. I'll see you Sunday.'

'Oh, fuck off!' I screamed slamming my hand down on my stearing wheel.

'What?' Bam said, the tone of his voice went serious. 'Are you mad at me?'

'No. This fuck-tard in front of me just cut me off!' I said screaming. 'I fucking hate New York!'

'Good! All the more reason to come to West Chester!' He said. I could hear the smirk in his voice. 'I'll see you tomorrow.'

I woke up Friday morning at seven. My sister had spent the night at my house. And Drea was bringing us to the airport. We got ready and arrived at the airport at 8:30. By the time we had checked in and got to our terminal, it was 9:30. I called Bam.

'Hello?' He asked sleepy.

'You know you have to pick me up soon right?' I asked.

'Yeah.' He said sighing. 'Call me when you get in.'

'Bam, you live forty five minutes from the airport!'

'I'll be there.' He said. 'Don't worry you're pretty little head off. I'll see you in a few hours.'

'Bye.' I said smiling.

'Bye. Love you.' He hung up the phone.

Two hours later we stepped off the plane.

'That was a really short flight!' Beth said walking behind me.

'No shit, we only went from New York to Pennsylvania.' I said looking at her.

We stepped off the terminal and entered the gate. There was Bam with a huge smile on his face. He had Dico and Dunn with him.

I half walked half ran over to him and threw my arms around his neck. He picked me up and swung me around.

'Hi, babe.' He said putting me down and kissing me on the lips.

'Hi.' I said smiling. I let go of him and flung my arms sround Dunn's neck giving him a kiss on the cheek.

'Jesus Rian!' He said laughing. I giggled and ran to Dico. He was waiting for me with his arms spread open. He hugged me tightly and then I pulled myself together to introduce my sister to Dunn and Dico.

'All right let's go!' Bam said. He picked up my carryon in one hand and put his arm around my shoulders with the other. He looked almost the same as the last time I had seen him. Although his hair was longer. We walked to a red Hummer which he unlocked the back. Rake and Raab were in the third row with mine and my sister suitcases.

'Ri Ri!' Raab said smiling at me.

'Hi, Raab.' I said back. Bam shut the back and I got in the front. Dunn, Dico, and Beth got in the back.

'When did you get this?' I asked as he backed up.

'Uh, right after Jackass? I think.'

He turned up the radio and the sound of his brother's band CKY filled my ears. I had gotten to know these bands that he loved while filming Jackass. They all seemed to listen to the same music. CKY was one of those bands. Another of Bam's favorites was H.I.M. and he told me once he was going to take me to a concert.

Twenty minutes of loud music and dancing later, we pulled up to Bam's house. We got out of the car and April ran out to greet us.

'Rian!' She said pulling me into a hug.

'Hi, April.' I said hugging her back.

'Let go of her, Ape!' Bam said.

I laughed as she let go and turned to my sister. 'April, this is my sister Beth. Beth this is Bam's mom April.'

'Hi, nice to meet you.' April said to my sister shaking her hand.

We went inside and hung around laughing. I met Bam's brother Jess. They looked a lot a like. Jess had orangey-brown hair instead of Bam's dark brown. He was really nice.

That night I followed my sister into the guest room to go to bed. I went into the bathroom to change and someone knocked on the door.

'She's in the bathroom.' I heard my sister say. The bathroom door opened and I spun around. It was Bam.

'What are you doing?' He asked.

'Uh, changing...' I said.

'I mean, why are you in here?' He asked.

'So idiots like you couldn't see me change.' I said pulling my shrit over my head.

'You're not gonna sleep with me?' He asked.

'Bam,' I said now whispering harshly so my sister couldn't hear our conversation. 'I haven't seen you in three weeks and all you want is sex?'

'Well as nice as that would be,' He said pining me to the wall, his hands on my hips. 'I meant you're not going to sleep in my room with me?'

'Does Ape and Phil and everyone know?' I asked.

'They'll figure it out.' Bam said leaning down to kiss me. 'I flew you out here to be with me. Not just your sister. So get your stuff and I'll meet you upstairs in ten minutes.'

'Bam wants me to go up to his room.' I told my sister once he had left and she came back.

'Then go up.' She said.

'I don't wanna leave you.' I said sitting on the bed.

'Rian,' She said. 'I'll be fine. He's your boyfriend-'

'He's not my boyfriend.'

'Whatever,' She said rolling her eyes. 'Close enough. Look, if there was a guy upstairs waiting for me, do you think I'd stay down here with you?'

'No.'

'Alright then.' She tried to pull down the covers but I was sitting on them. 'Move.'

I got up and she got in the blankets her back to me. I stood bitting my lip.

'What the hell are you waiting for?' She asked turning around.

'Fine.' I said grabbing my bags. 'Good night.'

'Night.'

I walked queitly up the stairs remembering Bam's room was all the way down on the right. I knocked lightly on the door.

'What?' I heard him ask.

'It's me.'

He opened the door. 'What?'

'You told me to come up here.' I said.

'I know.' He said smiling and letting me in.

'You're such a smart ass.'

His room was a little different then I had expected it. Last time I was here I hadn't gone into his room. It was a white room with a large closet to the left. His bed had a balck comforter and blue pillows. There was a picture of H.I.M. above it. A rack with his skateboards was on the wall. He had a desk with his computer and a dresser was across from his bed with a TV on it.

'Gimme your stuff.' He said. I handed him my bags and he put it in his closet which was overflowing with clothes and boxes.

'Fucking Element.' He said kicking on of the boxes further back.

'What?' I asked laughing.

'Element sends me boxes and boxes of their clothes 'cause they sponser me. And I really don't have the room for it.'

'Oh.' He shut his closet and turned to face me.

'I'm so fucking tired.' He took two steps and fell on top of me pushing me back onto the bed.

'Bam!' I said laughing.

'What?' His voice was muffled from the mattress.

'Get off!'

'No. I'm tired.' I sqwirmed under him laughing. I finally pushed him over.

'Ow' He said.

'You deserve it.'

'Let's go to bed.' He said standing back up. He pulled back the blankets and got in bed. So did I. I snuggled up to him and he put on the TV.

We fell asleep watching The Fresh Prince of Bell Air.

_'Waiting for your call_

_And I'm ready to take your six six six in my heart_

_And I'm longing for your touch and I welcome your sweet_

_Six six six in my heart_

_Right here in this heart'_

Bam leaned over me to grab his phone off the floor.

'Hello?'

'Hey man!' I heard Raab said excited. I opened my eyes and looked around Bam's room. It was almost completely black. It amde me want to go back to sleep.

'Raab.' Bam said looking at his phone. 'It is 8:30 in the fucking morning. I have no reason to be up. Now good night.'

He hung up the phone and threw it to the floor. He laid back down next to me and threw his arm around my waist pulling me into him and kissing the back of my neck making me giggle. The house phone rang.

'Oh, for fuck's sake!' Bam moaned rolling over as somebody downstairs answered.

Ten minutes later Dunn came flying into the room turning on the light. He jumped landing ontop of Bam.

'Dunn, what the--' Bam said blinking.

'We got it!' He screamed.

'Got what?' I asked sitting up and rubbing my eyes.

'The show.' He said. 'Glomb's on the phone. He just got out of the meeting.'

'No, fucking way!' Bam said not believeing him.

'Get on the phone, Dude.' Dunn said throwing the cordless at him.

'Hello?' Bam asked. 'Hey, Glomb. So, we got it?'

He sat listening with wide eyes and a smile on his face.

'Alright, Glomb. I'll see when you get back to the East Coast.' He hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment.

'What'd he say?' Dunn asked.

'We film the piolt in one month. And the title was approved.'

'What's the title?' Dunn asked.

'Viva La Bam...' Bam said as if he was stupid.

'Sorry I forgot.' Dunn said holding up his hands in surrender and backing out of the room.

'Hey!' Bam said right before he shut the door. 'Call up West Chester! Party tonight! Ape and Phil are going out of town.'

Ape and Phil left around noon. Where they went, I didn't ask. Bam had planned the vacation for them. I don't even think they knew where they were going.

As soon as they left Bam was on the phone inviting people over. He called Glomb who had just gotten off his plane, and told him to get stuff to build some ramps. Beth and I were sent to the store but I refused to buy beer. So Bam sent Raab with us. We took Bam's red Hummer and his credit card and off we went.

Shopping with Raab, was like shopping with a two year old. I found him knocking things oer, getting things we didn't need, and laying ontop of the meats in the meat section. He threw a tempertantrum when I told him he couldn't get ice cream and had to call Bam to tell him no.

Two hours later we had finally made it to the check out.

'Can I get a Snicker's Rian?' Raab asked giving me puppy dog eyes.

'No, Raab.' I said pulling out my wallet.

'Please?'

'Do I have to call Bam again?' I said giving him a stern look as the girl behind the register giggled.

'No...'

'That will be $214.01,' The girl said scanning the last item. 'Cash or credit?'

'Credit.' I said handing her Bam's card.

'Is this your card?' She asked looking down at the name, obviously realizing I wasn't Brandon C. Margera.

'Uh, no. It's my boyfriends.' I said.

'Can I see your liscense and if possible his.' She asked.

'Hang on. I'll call him.' I pulled out my phone and handed her my liscense.

'What'd he do now?' Bam asked.

'Nothing. Is your lisence in the car?' I asked.

'Uh. No. Raab has it.' Bam said.

'Okay we'll be there in a--. Raab!' I screamed as he knocked over boxes of cereal. 'Raab, give me Bam's lisence. Oh my God. I'll see you in a bit.'

'Okay. Bye.' Bam said laughing.

'Bye.' I hung up and turned to Raab. 'Can I have his lisence please?'

'Yeah here.' He gave me the card and I handed it to the girl.

'Beth, take him to the car.' I said giving her the keys.

'Is this Bam Margera's?' She asked looking up with wide eyes.

'Uh,...Yeah.' I said awkwardly.

'Oh my God. I love him! I actually saw him in here once but he didn't come to my register.' She said talking animatidly.

'Oh.' I said. She handed me back the cards and the reciept and I thanked her pushing the cart out the door.

A few hours later, the party was in full swing. Bam hadn't been kidding when he said, call up West Chester. Most of the people were in the backyard watching the ramps that Glomb had built.

My sister had met a guy from the next street over, Billy. I guess he was Bam's ATV buddy. Or so he told me. She was talking to him, and didn't leave his side the rest of the party.

Bam refused to dance with me until Comton Ass Terry showed up and started grinding me. I didn't mind because I knew it meant nothing but Bam pulled him off me and finally started to dance. To my surprise, he wasn't bad.

And then I met the girl who has tried to ruin my life so many times and almost succeeded once. I was standing in the kitchen with the guys who were trying to get Raab to guzzle a bottle of hot sauce.

'I'll do it,' Raab said all eyes now on him. He pointed to Bam. 'If you french Ryan right here, in front of everyone.'

Bam grabbed me and spun me around attacking my mouth with his. He kissed me to the applaud of the crowd and broke away smiling.

'I meant Dunn!' Raab said outraged as Bam smirked.

'You didn't say which one so you still have to do it.' The corwd laughed.

'Wow Bam.' A voice said behind us.

I turned to find a pretty blonde girl in her late twenties. She gave me an icy look and I glared back.

'Jenn.' Bam said looking at her. 'How've you been?'

'Long time. No see.' She said looking him up and down. 'Who's this?'

'This is Rian Lightman, my girlfriend.'

Giving her the benefit of the doubt I stuck my hand out. 'Nice to meet you.'

She looked at my hand nodding.

'I'll see you around.' She whispered in his ear as she walked by pushing into my shoulder.

After my encounter with Jenn I decided to get some info about her out of Dunn. Leaving a now drunk Bam in the backyard, I found Dunn in the living room.

'Can I talk to you?' I asked sitting on the couch between Dunn and Raab. We glared at Raab silently telling him to leave

'Fine,' He said getting up. 'I can take a hint.'

'What's up?' Dunn asked leaning back.

'Who's that girl?'

'What girl?'

'Dunn, don't play stupid. The blonde.' I said rolling my eyes.

'Who. Jenn?' He asked.

'Yeah.'

'Bam met her at the Philly park when he was nine. She's six years older, but she's always liked him. They hooked up before he flew out to New York and kind of forgot about her when he met you. So I guess she's a little pissed that he's with you. He's been avoiding her since he got back from Jackass.' He explained to me.

'So, he likes me more then her?' I asked.

'I would assume so.'

'Thanks Ryan.' I said giving him a hug and jumping up to find Bam.

I couldn't find him anywhere, so I decided to check downstairs.

'Is Bam down there?' I asked Raab as he came up the stairs.

'Uh, yeah.' He said.

I continued down the stairs. I could hear him talking to somebody, I just couldn't make out what he was saying. His voice was coming from the back hallway that lead to the boiler room. As I entered the hallway I heard him say.

'Jenn, I--'

I stopped thinking about whether I wanted to intrude or not. I waited a moment. And they weren't talking, so I stepped around the corner.

I wish I never had.

Jenn had Bam pushed up against the wall making out with him fiercly. At first he seemed to try to push her away, but then he let his cup of beer fall to the ground and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back. Jenn opened her eyes and saw me. Smiling she kissed him harder.

I backed up shocked into silence. I ran up the stairs and up to Bam's room. Picking up my phone I dialed Drea's number, praying to God she was still in Philly, shopping with her mom.

'Hey girl.' She said.

'Drea, where are you?' I asked pacing his room.

'Philly, why?'

'Please come get me...' I said. Then I explained the situation to her.

'Okay I'm coming.'

I gave her the address and waited.

Twenty minutes later her car pulled up and I ran downstairs, luckily not running into anyone. I jumped into the car and we backed out.

'You okay?' Drea asked turning to look at me.

'Give me a minute.' I said holding back the tears that had finally come to my eyes. 'Okay. I'm fine.'

'You sure?' She asked.

'Yeah. I'm pissed now.' I said.

My phone rang. BAM BAM and the picture of us in Mexico flashed across the screen.

'He's calling me.' I said.

'Don't answer.' Drea said.

'I'm not.' I hit ignore call. 'Where's your mom?'

'I dropped her off. She's staying in Philly for a few weeks. You actually called when I was pulling away from her hotel.'

My phone rang again.

'He's calling again.' I said.

Again I hit ignore.

'Does he know you saw him?' She asked.

'No.'

The phone rang again.

DUNN and a picture of Ryan and I in a bar in Florida came up.

'It's Dunn.' I said my thumb above answer.

'Get it. If it's Bam hang up.' Drea said.

I hit the button switching it to speaker.

'Hello?'

'Rian!' Bam said. 'Where the hell are you? Why weren't you answering? Are you mad at me or something?'

'I'm with Drea.' I said.

'Who's Drea? Why the fuck'd you leave?'

'Why don't you ask Jenn.'

'What the fuck are you talking about?' Bam said. I hung up on him.

'Oh my God!' I said leaning back. 'I can't believe this is happening.'

BETH flashed across the screen.

'Hello?'

'Ri, where are you? Why is Bam feaking out?' Beth asked.

'Are you near him?'

'No, I'm in the bathroom.'

'I'm going home. I'm with Drea. She was in Philly and came to get me.' I said.

'Why? Uh, hang on.' I heard her open the door. 'What?

'Are you on the phone with Rian?' Dunn asked.

'Maybe...'

'Beth, let him in.' I said.

'Come on in.'

'Ri,' Dunn said getting on the phone. 'What is going on? Bam's about to get in the car to go looking for you.'

'What! He's drunk!' I screamed.

'I know. Don't worry. I took his keys.' Dunn said. 'But now he's freaking out even more. He almost hit Jenn. Raab actually took a good hit to his lip when he tried to pull him from the Hummer.'

'I saw him kissing Jenn in the basement.' I said.

'What!' Dunn said.

'Yeah. And she saw me standing there. Dunn, his hand went up her fucking shirt.' I said close to tears now.

'I'm so sorry Rian.' Dunn said. 'Look, you're doing the right thing. Go home. Get away from him. I'll keep him here. And have him call you when he wakes up sober.'

'Okay.' I said sniffling.

'I'll call you when he goes to bed.'

'Okay.'

'And Jenn is going home, now.'

'Thanks Ry.' I said. 'Bye.'

'Bye.'

I got home around 11. Drea decided to spend the night. Bam called me the whole way home. I never answered. He filled my voicemail with messages. One would say he was done, then the next was how much he loved me. I don't think he knew what he was doing.

Drea and I woke up early and decided to go shopping for a little retail therepy.

At one my phone rang. DUNN came up.

'Hello?' I asked flipping through a sale rack in Saks.

'Hey, he's calling you in like a half hour.' Dunn said.

'Okay.'

'He's in the shower now. You should have seen him when he woke up. His hair was like messier then usual and he was looking everywhere for you. He looked outside and under his bed. And he woke me up and was like. Where's Ri? And I told him you left. And he was like what the fuck did I do last night. So he knows what he did, and he's been beating himself up all fucking day.'

'Thanks Dunn.'

'No problem. Bye.'

'Bye.'

Drea and I decided to go out to eat. Choosing a trendy sidewalk cafe we sat down and ordered our food. We chatted about the week we had spent apart. My phone vibrated across the table.

BAM BAM and that picture came up. I looked down at the screen then back up to Drea.

'Is it him?' She asked.

I nodded before answering. 'Hello?'

'Hi.'

'Hi.'

'What are you doing?'

'Eating lunch. What are you doing?'

This conversation was going nothing like how I had expected.

'Standing in front of the mirror naked.' He said. 'I look good.'

'Don't try to make me laugh.'

'Rian look, I'm sorry. Okay? I was drunk--'

'Drunk?' I said. 'You think being drunk is a good excuse to be making out with Jenn in your basement with your hand up her shirt?'

'No.' He said. 'Look at least I'm trying.'

'A for effort Bam.'

'You know what I mean. I'm trying to fix things. But I can't do that, until you tell me what I have to do.'

'You want to know.'

'Yes.' He said. 'I'll do anything.'

'Bam,' I said. 'I can't tell you how to fix things. You need to make it up to me. And find someway to make me forgive you.'

'I'll stop drinking.'

'Bam,' I said. 'I can't tell you to stop doing anything. Your drinking isn't the problem. The problem is Jenn. And if you want her or me in your life.'

'I will.'

'Well, let me know when you do.'

I hung up the phone and placed my head in hands. I had a feeling this was going to take awhile.

Bam didn't call again, which really surprised me. I would have figured he'd be up my ass if he really wanted to fix things. So I decided he was done and over it. And I was trying to get over it too.

My phone rang around ten as I stepped out of the shower. Sighing I grabbed it off my bed thinking it was Bam.

JEFF flashed across the screen.

'Hello?'

'Hey, Rian. How are you?'

'I'm alright. How are you?'

'Good. Hey listen, uh, are you in New York?'

'Yeah, why?'

'Would you mind coming in and doing some stuff for me?' He asked.

'Yeah. Sure. I'm not doing anything today.'

'Alright. I'll see you in a bit.'

So off to the MTV studios I went. I was excited to see Jeff since I hadn't seen him since Japan. I arrived at the studios an hour later and went straight up to his office. It began to rain as I entered the building.

'Hello hello.' I said walking in.

'Ri Ri!' Jeff said standing up and giving me a hug.

'What do you need me to do?' I asked taking the seat across from him.

'Take phone calls and hang out with me.' He said. 'I'm lonely.'

Giggling I sat down and we caught up. I told him about my fun expirience in West Chester. He felt sorry for me. He said he had a feeling Bam would do something like that.

I answered the phones for him. A lot of the calls were from one of the guys or producers. They were all shocked to hear me answer. It was fun, until Bam called.

'Hello, Jeff Tremaine's Office. Rian Lightman speaking.'

'Ri?' I heard Bam ask.

'Oh God.' I mumbled.

'What are you doing?'

'Working, Bam.'

'Can I talk to Tremaine please?'

I handed Jeff the phone with a simple, 'Bam.'

He took it and talked to Bam for awhile, glancing at me every few moments.

'What'd he say?' I asked hanging up.

'Oh, nothing.' He said with a smirk.

The phone rang again an hour later. Jeff grabbed it before I could. I gave him a shocked look and he just smiled.

'Okay.' He said hanging up. 'Uh, Rian, I have to step out for a moment. Could you type this up for me?'

He handed me a document to type and shut the door. I sat at the desk and began to type up an apology to the hotel we had stayed at in Orlando. Steve-O had gotten drunk and destroyed his room. And we had to pay $2,000 in damages.

The door opened and there stood a soaked Bam. He was brathing hard and held a drenched boquet of black and purple roses.

'Bam?' I asked standing up.

'Rian,' He said. 'Look, I'm an idiot. I'm not good with these relationship things and when you told me I had to make it up to you I was lost. But I knew one thing, I had to be with you. So I got in the car and drove four hours, even though Dunn tried to drag me out, and then walked ten blocks through the rain because there was no where to park, and still found time to get you flowers. I don't know what else you want me to do. So if you forgive me, tell me now, or I'll walk out of your life forever.'

'Bam...' I said shaking my head.

We stood staring at each other. He came forward placed the flowers on the desk and walked out.

I picked them up smelling them. There was a card inside.

_Rian, _

_You're one of the few good things in my life and I don't want to loose you. Ape would kill me if I did. I'm so glad I met you and I've come to realize I need you now. You keep me in check and sane. I hit Raab over you. For fuck's sake, forgive me damnit. _

_--BAM _

I placed the flowers on the desk and looked up as Jeff walked in. His smile faded as he realized I was alone.

'Where's Bam?'

'He's gone.' I said.

'Rian, are you stupid? He's in love with you. He tried his hardest to win you back, and that wasn't good enough? If you were smart, you'd chase after him.'

Looking up at Jeff I realized he was right.

I ran out of the building into the pouring rain.

'Oh, for fuck's sake!' I screamed. taking off my heels and running down the street. I pushed past people, my hair falling from the curls I had put in before I left.

Finally I saw him ahead of me.

'Bam!' I screamed making him stop in the middle of the cross walk. I ran up to him and threw my arms around his neck kissing him full on the lips.

'You didn't give me a chance to answer.' I said once we broke apart. He leaned down and kissed me again.

'Get out of the fucking road!' A taxi driver screamed.

Bam took my hand and pulled me out of the street and out of the kissed again.

'Where did you ever find black and purple roses?' I asked laughing.

'I pulled some strings.' He said smiling. 'You coming back to West Chester?'

'Yeah.' I said smiling. 'If Jenn's out of the picture.'

'Trust me. She is.'

Bam stayed the night at my house. And we left early the next morning for West Chester.


	5. July 2002

July:

Bam and I dated for a god solid month. Living with him was a very interesting expirience. Beth had moved in permanetly with Billy so she was very close by. Ape and I went shopping at least once a week.

My fairy tale ended quickly. Bam was getting busy with skating and MTV about his new show. I had a new job at Chanel on Fifth Avenue. So the end of the month was very bittersweet. Bam took me to the airport early.

We sat and cuddled in the airport.

'Bam.' I said standing up. 'I've been thinking.'

'Me too.' He said.

'And, I really think we should take a break. I mean I'm starting a new job and you're going to be all over with Element.'

'Yeah, I know. I was thinking the same thing. But, I still want to be friends.'

'Of course.' I said.

'Flight from Philadelphia to New York has begun boarding.' A voice above us said.

'You're gonna miss you're plane.' He said.

'I want a hug.' I said. He wrapped me up in his arms one last time and gave me a kiss.

'I love you.' He whispered.

'I love you too.' I said. I grabbed my purse off the chair and stepped onto the plane.


End file.
